You're so nebulous sometimes
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
