He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
