I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
