It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
