i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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