you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
