'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
