chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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