I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
