The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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