Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
