Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just had sex on a roof
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
