Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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