Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(707): View more from California

My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.

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(863): View more from Florida

I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..

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(813): View more from Florida

Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book

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(440): View more from Ohio

Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.

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(971): View more from Oregon

So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

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(505): View more from New Mexico

These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"

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(815): View more from Illinois

I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.

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(551): View more from New Jersey

I hate who I am becoming

(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well

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