Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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