I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
