There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
