lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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