i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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