I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
