my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
