I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My penis needs a shock collar
be right there i have to get my cape
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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