As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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