Will you blow on my dice?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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