Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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