Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
