Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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