the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
