You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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