ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
