The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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