The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
