So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Randomize
