so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
