Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
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My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
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Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars