Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
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HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am one with the molecules
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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