If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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