R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
