woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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