Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
