i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
