Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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