how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.