We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect