put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
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you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.