I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
