there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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