I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
