she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
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We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
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Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.