Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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