I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
