WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
