Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
