ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
