Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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