you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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