My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize