I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I would ride that face into the sunset
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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