I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
not ubering you a puppy
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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