Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
