i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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