There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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