Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
