if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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