Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
