Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
