Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
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Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
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Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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