I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
