using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
