I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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