do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
