When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I woke up under a house in Key West
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
