Your dad touched me again.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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