pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize