I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
