So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
