she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
