you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
