He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I believe in your delicious
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
