69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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