where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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