You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
