i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
