got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
