the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Randomize
