No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
